Being kind’s often abused. If we still choose to be kind, what else’s required?

School is wrong. Good deeds do not always lead to good outcomes. Then what?

One of the challenges I face when transitioning from academia to wider society is the need to accept that humanity can be cruel, ugly and selfish. Unlike the majority who might have stepped into society in their early 20s, pursuing my PhD postponed this transition for me.

When I was a third and final year PhD candidate, I roughly evenly split my time between academia and society. When I was in the latter, I was working for industry organisations as a pre-doctoral fellow, while occasionally dating ladies about my age.

I naively thought that the majority of us — especially when I resided in developed countries — would be civilised and educated enough to be well-mannered, considerate and easy-going with one another. Yet, in reality, beyond academia, the ugly, undesirable aspects of humanity have regularly been on full display.

The ego, the selfishness, the judgement and the gossip (and the list goes on and on) are all prompting us to get frustrated with people and set our own boundaries. What’s worse is that being kind does not resolve these tensions and conflicts.

While people enjoy the idea of acts of kindness, on many random occasions people will exploit another’s kindness against that person’s interests. People might sometimes be offensive to you even if you have not provoked them. Yet, on the other hand, the same people will act humbled in front of those who are, visibly, superior (by social status, for example) or threatening (by physique, for example).

And this perpetuates the societal mechanism described by the Japanese old saying: “The weak are meat, and the strong eat.”

At school, when we learned about the virtues that we should pursue, educators often taught us that kindness is a choice and it is the ultimate answer to overcome the ingrained tension, divide and hate our society encompasses. I still hold onto this belief, yet entering society has made my understanding of “being kind” more nuanced.

**Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success (by Adam Grant)**

It’s completely reasonable not to be easily provoked. Yet, simultaneously, if others’ level of rudeness is undue, we have to set boundaries. This does not mean we have to be provoked, but we have to subtly or overtly express our discontent and distance ourselves from them when needed.

I always believe in the power of constructive dialogue, despite such an approach not necessarily leading to positive outcomes.

Whenever I initiate constructive dialogue with those I am in conflict with, they, driven by their ego, ignorance and/or selfishness, may not always appreciate your act. But that’s okay. If their response does not align with your purpose, at least, through constructive dialogue, you have rationally expressed your discontent and attitudes and defined your boundaries. Regardless of whether others appreciate your act or not, at least you have done your part.

the global epidemic of loneliness — **Epidemic of Loneliness: Harvard research on how social connections are vital for our health**

There are always people who pretend they are entitled and do not give a damn when offending others. Yet, they are often the same people who cannot wait to share with the whole world (through social media) how they are the victims of unfair and unjust acts once they are offended. These people, in all honesty, are very pathetic.

On the flip side, there are also people who respect each other not by their words but by their actions. One core thing I have learnt is that we should not easily let any internal or external factors (such as chronic loneliness or peer pressure) persuade us to accept those showing little compassion or benevolence into our circle. Otherwise, this often leads to destructive and unhealthy relationships and outcomes.

“Choose and act wisely, while being kind.”

Thanks for reading my thoughts. If you would like to learn more about (mental) health, personal development and/or (online) education from me, please feel free to subscribe to my newsletter below. Also please feel free to browse my blog — Society & Growth — for more content at https://jasonhungofficialblog.com/.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links, and I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through them, at no additional cost to you.

Society & Growth