We’ve all been there: teetering on the edge of burnout, feeling the relentless pressure to succeed, whilst simultaneously being bombarded with the mantra of self-compassion. How do we reconcile and approach the grit needed to achieve our goals while protecting our mental health? How do we balance “don’t give up” with “don’t be so hard on yourself“?

We know that perseverance is often the key to unlocking success, as what the “don’t give up” mindset often prioritises. We hear stories of Airbnb’s near-bankruptcy, Apple’s brush with death, and countless inspiring stories of entrepreneurs who weathered storms to build empires. We’re told to “never give up,” to “push through,” and to “stay the course.” And for good reason; sometimes, the difference between success and failure is simply the willingness to keep going when the going gets tough.

Sometimes, that extra push, that final attempt, is all that’s needed to break through. The “don’t give up” mindset beautifully highlights the power of resilience and the importance of fighting for our dreams, even when facing ongoing and fierce adversity.

Yet, we must also consider the gentle reminder of “don’t be so hard on yourself”. We have to remind ourselves that relentless self-criticism can be a crippling force. The pursuit of excellence, when fuelled by harsh inner judgment, can often lead to burnout, procrastination, and decreased motivation. We need to cultivate self-compassion, recognising that we are all flawed, that we all make mistakes, and that self-kindness is essential for long-term success and well-being.

So, how do we reconcile these seemingly contradictory principles? Firstly, understand our “why“. Are we persevering because we are deeply passionate about our goal, or because we fear failure? Knowing our motivation is crucial. If we’re driven by passion, the “don’t give up” mentality can be a powerful force. If we’re driven by fear, it’s time to re-evaluate and embrace self-compassion.

Then, define success holistically, expanding our definition beyond just achieving the desired outcome. Acknowledge the effort we put in, the challenges we overcame, and the lessons we learned along the way. Celebrating small victories and focusing on our personal growth can fuel our perseverance without fuelling self-criticism.

It’s also important to distinguish between “quitting” and “changing direction”. Sometimes, walking away from a specific path is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wisdom. For example, quitting a business may allow us to create space for new opportunities. Ask ourselves: Is this path truly serving us? Are we still aligned with our values?

Sometimes, “quitting” is actually a strategic pivot, a necessary step towards a more fulfilling future. Simultaneously, practise self-compassion, not self-pity. Self-compassion isn’t about letting ourselves off the hook; it’s about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer a friend. Acknowledge our struggles, validate our feelings, and remind ourselves that we’re not alone.

Challenge our inner critic, such as by naming our inner critic, avoiding generalisations, and flipping the “what if” narrative. These techniques can help us create distance from negative self-talk and cultivate a more balanced perspective. Also, please don’t forget to set boundaries and prioritise self-care; perseverance shouldn’t come at the expense of our physical and mental health. Schedule regular breaks, engage in activities that bring us joy, and prioritise sleep, nutrition, and exercise.

Remember, we can’t pour from an empty cup. Seek support as well—talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist, when needed, about our struggles. Sometimes, simply sharing our burdens can provide instant relief and offer new perspectives.

Ultimately, the key is to build and cultivate a healthy relationship with ourselves. Be ambitious, be driven, and be persistent, but also be kind, be forgiving, and be compassionate.

Finding a balance between “don’t give up” and “don’t be so hard on yourself” is a lifelong journey, but it’s a journey that will lead us to a more fulfilling and sustainable path to success.

I hope the wisdom is beneficial to your path to success and better health. “We learn, we practise, we improve and we grow.”